Is there a Santa claus?

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Is there a Santa claus?

Postby Vincent on Sat Dec 19, 2009 8:32 pm

As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renowned scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.
1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
In conclusion -
If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
Quick pass me a spade! I`ve had another idea.
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Re: Is there a Santa claus?

Postby FutureProspect784 on Sat Dec 19, 2009 10:55 pm

Vincent,

Have you sat down with any young children yet and put this information in front of them? If you have, and if you do so again in the future, make a video or something.

:lol:

That was great for a laugh.
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Re: Is there a Santa claus?

Postby Vincent on Sat Jan 02, 2010 5:32 pm

FP,

I read this far to late to implement your suggestions and o be honest I am not sure if I should, it does seem to be a bit sick and twisted :twisted: , however, I shall have a camera ready next year and possibly add a few more details to prove my point :lol: :lol:

So then who's next on the list?......Ah yes......The tooth fairy :lol:
Quick pass me a spade! I`ve had another idea.
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Re: Is there a Santa claus?

Postby FutureProspect784 on Sat Jan 02, 2010 6:36 pm

Vincent,

I read this far to late to implement your suggestions and o be honest I am not sure if I should, it does seem to be a bit sick and twisted


Hey, they've got to learn the truth sooner or later. And it doesn't get more educational than your scientific explanation.

:lol:
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Re: Is there a Santa claus?

Postby Vincent on Sat Jan 02, 2010 7:41 pm

FP,

You are a harsh and hard man with a heart so void of warmth that it makes the depths of space seem positively cosy :lol:

Damn, I really miss you :wink: :D
Quick pass me a spade! I`ve had another idea.
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Re: Is there a Santa claus?

Postby FutureProspect784 on Sun Jan 03, 2010 5:17 pm

Vincent,

What can I say? I've been somewhat jaded ever since when my parents finally informed me that Santa does not exist. I mean, sure, at 19 I should have been able to put the pieces together on my own, but some of us are simply more naive than others.

:lol:

However, I'll try to be nice(r).
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Re: Is there a Santa claus?

Postby Cowtown Pattie on Thu Jan 07, 2010 5:24 pm

You guys....LOL.

Oh, but what about Santa's wicked twin brother? Insanity Clause?
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Re: Is there a Santa claus?

Postby FutureProspect784 on Fri Jan 08, 2010 1:23 am

Cowtown Pattie,

Oh, but what about Santa's wicked twin brother? Insanity Clause?


Funny you should mention Insanity Clause. I've heard that he and Santa are actually one and the same person, and that Insanity Clause usually manifests himself immediately after Christmas Eve, or when Mrs. Claus simply nags too much (I'm sure she's a great gal and all, but she's always struck me as the nagging type...or maybe I'm way off here).

:lol:
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