funny/ha ha

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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby n4n224ccw on Sat May 09, 2009 10:53 pm

Three 10 year old boys are on sitting on the curb when a very long stretched limousine drives by them.

This first boy says "When I grow up, I'm going to be a rock star and own one of those limousines."

A few minutes later a Lamborghini drives by them.

The second boy says “When I grow up, I’m going to be a professional athlete and own one of those Lamborghinis.”

A little later the first two boys ask the third, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

The third boy replies “I’m going to grow hair all over my body”.

“How are you going to get rich by doing that?” the first two ask.

Making the form of a triangle by joining his thumbs and index fingers together, the third boy replies;

“My sister grew a patch of hair this big and she owns both of those cars.
The post Revolutionary history of Oak Island is a complex web of lies and partial truths to sort through.

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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby badinfluence63 on Tue May 19, 2009 10:55 am

How The Fight Started....


One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a


Cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't


buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied,


"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"


And that's how the fight started.


My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?"


I replied "Dust"


And that's how the fight started.



-------------------------------------------


A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.


She is not happy with what she sees and says to her


husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.. I really


need you to pay me a compliment.


'The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'


And that's how the fight started.

(ha ha ha)







-------------------------------------------


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our


upcoming anniversary.


She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0


to 200 in about 3 seconds.


I bought her a scale..


And that's how the fight started.


-------------------------------------------


I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our


anniversary?'


It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet


appreciation.


'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.


So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'


And that's how the fight started.


-------------------------------------------


My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A


Millionaire while we were in bed.


I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'


'No,' she answered.


I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'


She didn't even look at me this time, simply


saying 'Yes.'


So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'


And that's how the fight started





And that's how the fight started.


-------------------------------------------


---------------------------------------------------


I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some


reason, took my order first.


'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'


He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'


'Nah, she can order for herself.'


And that's how the fight started
Whewww...where does the time go!
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby badinfluence63 on Sun Jul 05, 2009 1:26 pm

Thought it might get a chuckle.


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Whewww...where does the time go!
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby Jo on Mon Aug 03, 2009 9:20 am

This is true apparently...

A fire alarm rang at 4 pm in a large office campus when almost all employees were present ( approx 5,000 people ).

As per past fire-drill practices, the entire office was quickly evacuated within 3 minutes, and all employees gathered outside the complex in designated areas waiting for further announcement.

Before long, the fire drill officer in-charge made the following broadcast over their loud-speakers system :

" My dear colleagues : With sincere regret, I have been asked to announce that for many of you, this will be your last evacuation drill with us. Due to the on-going recession and bad business climate, the company is laying off almost 50% of its staff. So when this announcement finishes, I ask all of you to move back into the building. And if your swipe-card does not work, then it means that you have been laid off, in which case you will not be allowed inside, and all your personal belongings will be couriered to you by tomorrow.

The company is using this innovative, never-before approach as we do not want to choke our email system with lay-off notices and farewell messages going by the thousands, and we also wish to avoid any fighting inside the office and the consequent security issues for all staff.

We hope you have had a rewarding career with us. Now please move back in… and good luck ! "
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby D'Arcy on Mon Aug 03, 2009 3:37 pm

Jo:

Amusing, but seems too complicated to actually be true. Management could have simply voided the swipe cards of all laid-off workers at night or on a Sunday. Then placed a large notice on the front doors with the explanation for all to see the following morning. (But in either case what would stop a laid-off disgruntled employee from entering the building with a friend who wasn't laid off and whose card still worked?)
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby Jo on Mon Aug 03, 2009 3:43 pm

But it's from the Internet D'Arcy - it *must* be true!!
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby D'Arcy on Mon Aug 03, 2009 3:47 pm

Good point, Jo. I hadn't thought of that. And to think I also doubted Thief Ramble's internet postings about Birch Island triangles and OjO's boob job!
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby MassMax on Tue Aug 04, 2009 5:34 pm

Just to follow up on Jo's fire drill story...

D'Arcy's right - this story is not realistic. Locking out laid off employees who may have left car keys, purses, and other personal items in their office doesn't make sense. During a layoff, companies allow the terminated employees to collect at least some of their personal items (usually under the watchful eyes of HR, management, or security) before being escorted out the door.

Here's an actual layoff story, known around my industry/region as "The Magic Bus Ride". A computer networking company in New England (I'll call it “CS’) in the early 1990s had a reputation for draconian treatment of their employees and callous handling of acquisitions. CS bought out a smaller networking company, which I'll call MC (I'm doing a feeble job of changing the names). Once the legal/financial acquisition process was complete and they figured out which MC employees were now “redundant”, CS sent several charter busses and a whole team of rent-a-cop security people to MC’s headquarters. MC employee who were going to survive the acquisition/merger were directed to board a bus and were driven up to the CS headquarters in New Hampshire. There they were welcomed by the CS management team and given a tour of the CS facilities. Meanwhile, the poor MC personnel left behind were handed severance paperwork and told to clean out their offices/cubicles under the careful scrutiny of uniformed security men.

So the joke around the industry for several years was: if you’re told to board a bus, just shut the hell up and hop on board…

I survived a similar layoff experience, although there were no busses involved. Instead, I was directed to the company cafeteria while people getting the axe were sent to a large conference room. The survivors endured a two-hour presentation in the cafeteria, all the while looking around the room to see who was missing, while the terminated employees cleaned out their personal effects and were walked out the door. So much for saying goodbye…

Sorry – not the funniest stories for this thread, but I guess they’re fairly timely in today’s economy.
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby D'Arcy on Tue Aug 04, 2009 8:55 pm

Hey MassMax:

A friend of mine back in 1989 wrote for a financially-struggling local newspaper that was much more direct in its lay-off approach. The publisher simply placed full-page Monday morning ads in the city's other daily newspapers advising readers that "In the future you may be reading articles written by reporters and columnists who over the weekend have since been released from the now-defunct Montreal Daily News, and have subsequently been hired by us." The ad also advised all unemployed Daily News personnel to go to their newspaper's offices between noon and three that afternoon to collect their belongings and severance cheques. (As you might imagine, there was a lot of serious drinking being done at the Montreal Press Club that afternoon and evening). As I recall, there were something like 30 reporters, editors, photographers and typesetters who sumarily got the axe that day.
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby MassMax on Thu Aug 06, 2009 8:27 pm

Yoiks, D'Arcy, that was handled "well". Brutal...

Okay, let's get off the layoff topic, since it's not particularly funny nowadays, and get this laughter train back onto the rails.



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1) Should I get a dog?

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2) Should I have children?


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