funny/ha ha

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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby Vincent on Thu Feb 26, 2009 6:04 pm

I loved the Ronaldo article :lol: :lol: :lol:
Quick pass me a spade! I`ve had another idea.
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby Jo on Fri Feb 27, 2009 10:26 am

I love the Agony Aunt posts. Hilarious.
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby Vincent on Mon Mar 02, 2009 3:50 pm

I was in the B & Q Warehouse yesterday pushing my cart around when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart.

I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like? The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
Quick pass me a spade! I`ve had another idea.
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby badinfluence63 on Mon Mar 02, 2009 8:17 pm

Vincent,

funny man funny. :lol:
Whewww...where does the time go!
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby FutureProspect784 on Mon Mar 02, 2009 9:16 pm

badinfluence63 wrote:Vincent,

funny man funny. :lol:


Ditto.

:lol:
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby D'Arcy on Sun Mar 29, 2009 5:41 pm

A cute little pig-tailed girl is walking past the local town firehouse, with her pet dog and pet cat pulling a red wagon, on which she has an axe, a bell, and a coiled up garden hose. A fireman sitting outside in the sun watches this with bemusement, and then notices that the dog is tethered to the wagon by its collar, but that the cat is tethered by its testicles.

He calls out to the girl and says, "Hey little miss, that is some fine rig you got there. But wouldn't you get to a fire a lot faster if both animals were hooked up to the fire engine by their collars?"

She ponders this for a moment and replies, "Yes, that's true. But then I wouldn't have a siren."
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby Jo on Thu Apr 30, 2009 10:46 am

I'm sure some of you have seen this doing the rounds in emails, but I thought I'd share it here as I love it!!

A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for a homework assignment.

After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note from her Mum:

Dear Ms. Davis,

I want to be very clear on my child's illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This photo is of me selling a shovel.

Mrs. Harrington


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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby FutureProspect784 on Thu Apr 30, 2009 1:25 pm

Jo,

This is the first time I've seen this joke, and I have to say, it's pretty damn hilarious!

:lol:
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby D'Arcy on Fri May 01, 2009 4:18 pm

How To Install A Home Security System In The American South
===================================================

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work
boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns and Ammo
Magazine.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba, Me, Big Jim, Duke and Slim went for more ammunition. Back in an
hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls - they attacked the mailman this morning
and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was
hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the
house.
Better wait outside.

'Cooter'
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby Vincent on Sat May 09, 2009 2:59 pm

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a shop to buy a newspaper.Before leaving, she says to the newsagent "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?""About 32," is the reply."No! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the assistant the very same question.The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."The woman replies with a big smile, "No, I'm 50."Now she's feeling really good about herself.

She goes in to a chemists on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant this burning question.He responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.He replies,"I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was.It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.

"They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am I?"He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, "Madam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?"

The old man says, "I was behind you in McDonald's."
Quick pass me a spade! I`ve had another idea.
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