funny/ha ha

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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby D'Arcy on Thu Aug 20, 2009 6:45 pm

Afternoon sex

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quickie' with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a popsicle, and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.

- 'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.

- 'An ambulance just drove by!'

- 'Looks like the Anderson's have company,' he called out.

- 'Matt's riding a new bike!'

- 'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'

- 'Jason is on his skate board!

- After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are screwing!!'

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know they're screwing?'

'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle.'
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby Epoch_Zero on Tue Aug 25, 2009 11:14 pm

Didn't want to start a new thread for this point alone, so figured here is most appropriate.

I've recently moved in with 4 casual friends I've known for a few years. It's a downgrade, but it's cheap rent and I lost my job.
Just had a conversation running thusly:

"Oh! Did they ever find that money...hole, thing?"
"The Money Pit?"
"Yeah!"
"It's, like, a 200 year old mystery...it's still on going."
"Yeah, but it's just a hole, right?"
"......Here. Read this." *passes large book*
"Well, yeah, but it's just a hole. It's either there or it isn't."
"Not that simple."
"Yes, yes it is. You just dig into the hole, and if there's treasure you find it."
"Noo.. It-"
"Yes, that's exactly it, that's how it works."
"...uh...arh...I'm...going bed."

So any advice? I'm thinking either hammer or brick.
Not to her, to me. Just to get that conversation out of my head. >__<

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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby Jo on Fri Aug 28, 2009 12:27 pm

UNBELIEVABLE!!!

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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby badinfluence63 on Fri Aug 28, 2009 12:53 pm

Holy Sh*t!!!!
Whewww...where does the time go!
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby D'Arcy on Fri Aug 28, 2009 5:32 pm

Maybe that was U.S. Airways Captain Chesley Sullenberger (of Hudson River fame) coming in for another miracle water landing?
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby badinfluence63 on Sun Aug 30, 2009 4:34 pm

Words Of Wisdom

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Wisdom from Larry The Cable Guy .....

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark ?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. < B>

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapeno's. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.!
Whewww...where does the time go!
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby badinfluence63 on Sun Aug 30, 2009 4:41 pm

Old Lady Biker

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers the door. She proclaims "I want to join your biker club." The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join. So the biker asks her "You have a bike?" The little old lady says "Yea, that's my Harley over there" and points to a Harley parked in the driveway. The biker asks her "Do you smoke?" The little old lady says "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool." The biker is impressed and asks "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?" The little old lady says "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."
Whewww...where does the time go!
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby badinfluence63 on Sun Aug 30, 2009 4:44 pm

Medical Students

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff legged and walking slowly.

One of the students said to his friend, 'I'm sure the poor old man has Petry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that.'

The other student said, 'No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart just as we learned in class.'
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man.

They approached him and one of the students said to him, 'We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?'

The old man said, 'I'll tell you, but first you must tell me what you two fine medical students think.'

One of the students said, 'I think it's Petry Syndrome.'
The old man said, 'You thought...But you are wrong.'

Then the other student said, ' I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome.'
The old man said, 'You thought...But you are also wrong.'

So they asked him, 'Well, old timer, what do you have?'
The old man said, 'I thought it was GAS...
But I was wrong.'
Whewww...where does the time go!
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby Jo on Tue Apr 27, 2010 12:41 pm

According to a news report, a certain private school in Brisbane was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.

That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers.... and then there are educators
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Re: funny/ha ha

Postby Vincent on Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:44 pm

I have just discovered the greatest pick up line ever, this will definitely get into bed with any man or woman you choose regardless of weather they are in your league or not!!!! :shock:
It goes something like this....

"Excuse me, could I have your opinion on something?.....Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?" :lol:
Quick pass me a spade! I`ve had another idea.
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